I invited him into bed with me for a short while and reflected back to times before we had the pitter patter of little feet in our home.
My wife and I were married in 2007 and made the decision that we would not wait to have children. The way I look at it, when God wants us to have children he will provide them. "In God's time". After roughly a year of trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, we made an appointment with a fertility doctor. When the reports came back, it was clear that the both of us had issues internally that offered us little to no chance to ever conceive on our own. The doctor said we had less than .001% chance.
That day, I think a little part of me died inside. All of my life, I had hoped of nothing more than to be a father. I knew in my heart that I would be a great father. My father was not in my life much, so I wanted nothing more than to be there more for my own kids.
We weighed our options, adoption, foster care, or no kids at all. Both realizing that we wanted nothing more than to be parents, we felt that the third option was not an option at all, and adopting a child would take years, and tens of thousands of dollars. Adoption didn't feel right. Too many kids are born into families that cannot provide for them in one way or another. I do understand that some children are put into foster care where they wold have been better off in their own homes, but most foster care children are there seeking a second chance. They feel cast away, neglected, hopeless, and unloved. Katy and I decided that WE NEEDED to look into foster care so that we could possibly give one or more children the second chance that they needed. We knew that we had love to give, and felt that newborns have more parents lining up for them, we knew we wanted the children that had less people lining up to take one home.
In October of 2009 we received a call asking us if we would be willing to take a child into our home. We specifically asked the Foster Care Foundation for children over the age of 5 since they were the least "wanted" by other parents. The phone call left us surprised. They were asking us to take in a 7 month old boy. At the time, we both worked full time, I owned two Pizza restaurants that ate up close to 100 hours a week. We prayed about it and knew that he was for us.
For the first little while, I called him "The Boy". Before we were allowed to take him into our home, we were required to read about his story. What he went through, the conditions in which he was found, and so on. He wouldn't let you hold him while he ate, he wouldn't let you hold him to rock him to sleep. One day I remember him laying on the floor eating his bottle, he rolled over and left the bottle where it landed. He scooted around for a minute and when he turned to come back to the bottle, he looked at the bottle, and at us. Again and again. He went back to the bottle, picked it up, shook it up, and put it back on the floor, scooted away from it watching us every step he made, making sure we didn't take it. He would put it in different parts of the house, leave, and watch us to see if we would leave it there. It became apparent that in his old home, he didn't have adequate food. He was testing us to see if we would leave his food alone or not. It was so heartbreaking for us to witness this sort of thing.
At our first court appearance just days afterwards, his parents relinquished their rights, asking us if we would adopt him for good. At first we were shocked, but we knew what we had to do. This was our opportunity to be permanent parents, this was our chance to give unconditional love to someone that needed it from us.
His mother was already pregnant with twins, and she fully expected to keep them. But as she got closer to her delivery date, she changed her mind and asked us if we would be willing to adopt them. At first we said NO, even HELL NO. How could we handle another child, let along two?! Most parents have 9 months to buy clothing, crib, stroller, diapers, etc. for a child, we had just done all that over a weekend for one child, now we would have to do it for two more?
After spending a day pondering the reasons that we couldn't take on two more boys, I woke up the next morning and knew without a doubt that we would adopt them. The lord bore witness to me that they were born for us.
March of 2010 our family grew by 2 more, making us a family of 5. The twins were not in the best of health, being born 12 weeks early. Jackson (our oldest) spent most of his time at "Pop Pop's" house getting to know his new grandpa, while Katy and I spent every spare hour in the NICU with our two struggling boys.
I remember the day that one of the nurses pulled us aside at the hospital to discuss Dylan's health screening that day. They had done a brain scan and found that his brain was "mush", "swiss cheese" they called it. We were astounded to say the absolute least. How would this affect his life? How would it affect our lives? We spent more time holding him that day, pouring our hearts out to him. That night we got on our knees and asked for mercy. We prayed for Dylan's health, we prayed for patience to be able to understand and help him as he grew older with brain damage.
The next day when we visited the boys, the nurse said that he was doing fine and that they had done another scan and that he looked fine. I don't know even today what happened back then. Maybe a miracle, maybe a mistake, but either way that day has influenced the way I think about my boys.
We brought the boys home 12 weeks after birth, and started our crazy, complicated, busy life together. We had 3 boys all under the age of 1. Jackson is 11 months older than Parker and Dylan, so each year for 3 weeks they are the same age.
Parker & Dylan just turned 4, and Jackson turned 5. They are full of energy, and wanting to learn as much as their little minds can soak up. People look at us like we are freaks when we go anywhere. "Are they triplets?", or "I bet your hands are full". My response, "I'd rather them be full than empty".
I walked away from my Pizza businesses less than a year after the twins were born so we didn't have to let them be raised by daycare. I started a recycling business so that I could make a living while also caring for my boys.
Some people tell me that I am crazy, I feel like I am lucky. I have an amazing wife that works hard so that we can have insurance and stability. I was able to start a business that makes me a decent living while not having to put my kids in daycare, and because of that I get to see my boys all day, every day. Since being at home, it has allowed me to explore my passion and build my Videography business while my recycling business paid most of the bills. I get to snuggle with my boys in the morning, feed them breakfast, and watch them learn and grow as individuals. I get to teach them things every day. Because I don't have a set schedule, and with Katy's job being so flexible, we get to travel a couple times a year.
We started off as a depressed couple unable to bear children of our own, now we have 3 amazing, smart little boys that remind us that every day is a blessing.
There is a famous saying "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that is why it is called the present". I recite this quote several times daily. When one of my boys comes to me and wants to show me something that he built, I jump at the opportunity. I remember growing up, always hearing excuses as to why my parents wouldn't or couldn't help us with something, or simply come see what we had done. I made a commitment to myself and my boys that I would NOT be THAT parent. I don't want to look back in 20 years and think to myself "I wish I would have..."
You never know if tomorrow you won't wake up. What if your spouse gets in an accident today on the way home from work. What if your child falls off the slide at school and snaps their neck and dies of his/her injuries. I know it's tough to hear, but these sort of things happen every day. Today, do something a little reckless. Don't go rob a bank or shoot the neighbor that has been driving you crazy. Do something NEW, something that you wouldn't have done yesterday.
The next time your child comes up to you and grabs your hand because they're excited to show you something, run! You may never get this chance again! Your child will NOT be this age ever again. This day will NOT come again.
Live today like it's your last and you'll never regret a thing!
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